We become our choices.
There is an inclination to philosophize while hiking. To untangle the experience of life and reframe it in the expansive view of sky and sea and soil. And there it is easy to look back at a life and say - yes, this. I became my choices. And I still become my choices. Except now, sometimes, if I am listening well, the choice becomes obvious - the moon full, information revealed, choice easy. I choose. I become. Slip and stubbornness give way to slide and surrender. I become.
About the art: This piece happened spontaneously. A late evening spent purusing Pinterest boards of avant-garde fashion. An antlered woman in a white lace gown inspired the pose. Bones - of animals and of trees - collected on a beach hike informed the stark color palette. A quick sketch with charcoal, then very wet titanium white to rough in the form. Ultramarine blue and raw umber and titanium white only, brushed on in thin, watery washes. Resisting the urge to complete the background...allowing her to emerge, half formed as if in mid-transformation.
I am almost there.
On the way. Arrival anticipated. Losing my sense of separation.
The world conspires with me. Beauty beckons. Inspiration appears. Paint flows. The words arrive to marry with the art. The time opens up to curate them together. A week of what could have been snafus, odd occurrences and off mojo turns into a domino fall of positivity. I lean back into the universe, feel its arms softly hold me, and breathe.
Let's talk grasshoppers and ants for a minute.
The proverbial grasshopper plays in the sun, doesn't think much about tomorrow, is present and maybe ill-prepared for calamity. The ant, on the other hand, is all about storing for a rainy day, work work working - no play, and making sure every future possibility is covered. I've spent my entire life as an ant. And I thought that was because, well, I was an ant at heart.
But recently (thank you pandemic for keeping me less busy and giving me time to think!) I've uncovered the very real possibility that my ant-ness was in response to a long history of situations that left me holding the responsibility bag and therefore ant-ness was required. So I've decided to give my inner grasshopper an open door. And whoa. It. might just be the key to everything. Less anxiety, less exhaustion, better sleep, MORE JOY and the ability to make and savor deeper connections with humans and the world around me.
And so I might be late now and again. Or miss a deadline. Or have nothing in the refrigerator. But on the other hand, I'm wearing-a fur pajamas, I ride a hot potato. It's tickling my fancy. Want to join me?
Jen Jovan and her imaJENation